Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
This is Terrible
Two members of a small monastery decided to open a florist shop
to help raise money for their good works. The idea of buying
beautiful flowers from gentle friars appealed to a lot of people in the town, and soon they were flocking to the shop.
Meanwhile, the florist across town saw his business virtually
disappear when all his customers began buying flowers from the monks. He thought the monks had an unfair advantage, so he visited them and asked them to return to the monastery and leave business to businessmen. They politely declined.
So he visited the monastery and asked the Abbot to convince the
monks to abandon the business. He declined as well.
Next the florist sent his mother, his parish priest and his children to
visit the monks, asking them to cease their business so the original florist could make a living. It didn't work.
Finally, in desperation, the florist hired the town thug, Hughson
McNasty, to use personal persuasion. Hugh McNasty showed up one night with a cudgel, shattered the windows of the monk's shop, tossed their flowers out into the street, and gave the monk's black eyes, promising them he'd be back unless they closed their business.
Terrified, the monks shut their store and returned to the monastery.
Proving, of course...
Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
to help raise money for their good works. The idea of buying
beautiful flowers from gentle friars appealed to a lot of people in the town, and soon they were flocking to the shop.
Meanwhile, the florist across town saw his business virtually
disappear when all his customers began buying flowers from the monks. He thought the monks had an unfair advantage, so he visited them and asked them to return to the monastery and leave business to businessmen. They politely declined.
So he visited the monastery and asked the Abbot to convince the
monks to abandon the business. He declined as well.
Next the florist sent his mother, his parish priest and his children to
visit the monks, asking them to cease their business so the original florist could make a living. It didn't work.
Finally, in desperation, the florist hired the town thug, Hughson
McNasty, to use personal persuasion. Hugh McNasty showed up one night with a cudgel, shattered the windows of the monk's shop, tossed their flowers out into the street, and gave the monk's black eyes, promising them he'd be back unless they closed their business.
Terrified, the monks shut their store and returned to the monastery.
Proving, of course...
Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Doctors
An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks.'
The ILLINOIS doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we
recently took a man with no brains out of ILLINOIS , put him in the White
House for TWO MONTHS, and now half the WORLD is looking for work.'
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks.'
The ILLINOIS doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we
recently took a man with no brains out of ILLINOIS , put him in the White
House for TWO MONTHS, and now half the WORLD is looking for work.'
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Catholic Horses
CATHOLIC HORSES
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with Interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races
continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.
Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Methodists, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with Interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races
continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.
Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Methodists, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Teleprompter Tosses Obama Under the Bus
Obama In St Patrick's Day Teleprompt Blunder
12:26pm UK, Wednesday March 18, 2009
A teleprompt blunder has led to Barack Obama thanking himself in a speech at the White House in a St Patrick's Day celebration.
Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen was just a few paragraphs into an address in Washington when he realised it all sounded a bit too familiar.
It was. He was repeating the speech President Barack Obama had just read from the same teleprompter.
Mr Cowen stopped, turned to the president and said: "That's your speech."
A laughing Mr Obama returned to the podium to take over but it seems the script had finally been switched and the US president ended up thanking himself for inviting everyone to the party.
Mr Obama is an accomplished orator but is becoming known in America as the "teleprompt president" over his reliance on the machine when he gives a speech.
More
12:26pm UK, Wednesday March 18, 2009
A teleprompt blunder has led to Barack Obama thanking himself in a speech at the White House in a St Patrick's Day celebration.
Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen was just a few paragraphs into an address in Washington when he realised it all sounded a bit too familiar.
It was. He was repeating the speech President Barack Obama had just read from the same teleprompter.
Mr Cowen stopped, turned to the president and said: "That's your speech."
A laughing Mr Obama returned to the podium to take over but it seems the script had finally been switched and the US president ended up thanking himself for inviting everyone to the party.
Mr Obama is an accomplished orator but is becoming known in America as the "teleprompt president" over his reliance on the machine when he gives a speech.
More
Monday, March 16, 2009
Rumors: Pope to make official UK visit
Pope to make official UK visit
Vatican indicates that Benedict XVI is ready to accept an invitation from Gordon Brown to make the first state visit
THE POPE is preparing to make a historic official visit to Britain. Sources at the Vatican have indicated that Benedict XVI is ready to accept an invitation from Gordon Brown to come to the UK. It would be the first state visit by a pope to Britain and could take place as soon as next year; September 2010 is considered the likeliest date.
Unlike John Paul II’s ground-breaking visit in 1982, which was “pastoral” and did not involve going to Downing Street or meeting the prime minister, the event would be a full state visit, with the pontiff addressing both houses of parliament at Westminster.
More
I know it would be a lot to ask for, but I'd love it if he came back to the United States. I loved it when he was here last year. I was teasing my sister that I was going to write him a note inviting him back and telling him that it would be cool if he wanted to crash at our place, I can sleep on the couch. Although can you imagine the amount of cleaning you would have to do if the Pope was coming oveR? I don't think I could make it.
Vatican indicates that Benedict XVI is ready to accept an invitation from Gordon Brown to make the first state visit
THE POPE is preparing to make a historic official visit to Britain. Sources at the Vatican have indicated that Benedict XVI is ready to accept an invitation from Gordon Brown to come to the UK. It would be the first state visit by a pope to Britain and could take place as soon as next year; September 2010 is considered the likeliest date.
Unlike John Paul II’s ground-breaking visit in 1982, which was “pastoral” and did not involve going to Downing Street or meeting the prime minister, the event would be a full state visit, with the pontiff addressing both houses of parliament at Westminster.
More
I know it would be a lot to ask for, but I'd love it if he came back to the United States. I loved it when he was here last year. I was teasing my sister that I was going to write him a note inviting him back and telling him that it would be cool if he wanted to crash at our place, I can sleep on the couch. Although can you imagine the amount of cleaning you would have to do if the Pope was coming oveR? I don't think I could make it.
Recruiting Posters
These are great, LOL.
Look at more of them at Curt Jester, I know the post is from 2005, but still, they're hilarious.
Look at more of them at Curt Jester, I know the post is from 2005, but still, they're hilarious.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
I Laugh Every Election Day When I See This
This is so we know how to fill out the ballot. I had my cellphone with me this time so I took a picture when I voted this morning.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ash Wednesday
I know quite a few people for whom this is accurate. Except some don't even bother with Christmas and Easter, they just go to Ash Wednesday.
Stuff Catholics Like blog
There are those Catholics who check in for services on Christmas and Easter twice a year and pretend they’re visiting from out of town. Then there are those Catholics who choose to go the extra mile and attend Mass on Ash Wednesday, thus increasing their holiness by nearly 50%. It is a not-so-subtle way of proving you’ve been to Mass and works better than showing off a Sunday bulletin.
Stuff Catholics Like blog
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I'm Sure This Makes Me a Bad Person
I'm sure posting this makes me a bad person, but I had to laugh.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Pumski?
US First Lady Michelle Obama has a nickname for hubby Barack Obama - 'Pumski'.
I saw this article at Cbabes today, and in a weird way I'm curious as to what this could mean. I know that couples come up with all kinds of cute names for each other, and I tend to come up with lots weird and random names for people and pets. But what could this one mean? I think its very unfair of Michelle to do this to us. But I have come up with my own solution to what it is.
Clearly pum is like a pumpkin. And since the Obamas are from Chicago 'ski' can only refer to the man so loved and yet so unknown to Illinois school children, Polish American Revolutionary War hero Casimir Pulaski.
The equation looks something like this.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
You've Been BarackRolled
I'll make a public blog confession, I had a huge crush on Rick Astley when I was little. I went to a concert of his and I bought this poster of him... and kiss it.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
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About Me
- catholicandgop
- Catholic and politically conservative, I graduated with a BA in History (concentration in American) and Political Science. I'm between two parishes; one in Wisconsin that is fairly traditional, and one in Illinois that is fairly liberal. I teach CCD. I work in the food service industry, which basically means I'm working in fast food until I find a better job. I'd like to work for the church somehow. Right now I'm working on getting my teaching certification, although I'm unsure thats the correct path for me. This blog is as random as I am. I hope you enjoy.
