Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Oh Kass, How I Love You

One of my favorite people on Earth has to be Mr. John Kass of the Chicago Tribune. When my Dad was in the hospital for most of December at the same time that then-Governor Blagojevich fell into legal problems, I often brought info and little sayings from Kass to Dad in the hospital to brighten his day.

I'd say that Kass leans conservative, but he is critical of the 'combine' in Illinois. The democrats and republicans who work with each other to take advantage of the rest of us. But the thing I mostly love about Kass is the creative writing that he injects into his columns.

The names he gives politicians:

Gov. Blagojevich: Governor Dead Meat or Governor Nosferatu
Rep. DeLeo: (D-How you Doin?)
Sen. Burris: Roland "Tombstone" Burris (D-Lying Weasel)
Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Tomczak)
Rep. John Fritchey (D-Pastries)
House Speaker Michael Madigan (D-Lisa's Dad)

And terms like: feditis and hopium.

When I see some of his writing that really gets me going I should just post it, so I have it here for all of time. Today he was in form and really made me laugh.

Sen. Roland "Tombstone" Burris (D-Lying Weasel) hatches his lies by the minute; they bubble out of his mouth like insect larvae from the mud.

Once their wings are dry, they launch from our senator's lips and buzz. Yet with all the buzzing, let's consider a few things.

This was the part specifically that had me laughing, even though I'm in a quiet computer lab.

Even Mayor Richard Daley lies better than Burris. Years ago, when confronted by Tribune reporters about how he'd given $100 million in affirmative action contracts to white guys with Outfit connections whom he'd drink with every Christmas Eve, Daley developed his strategy.

He turned purple, the hair on his temples flying up like the wings of dark angels, and he released his terrifying Mayor Chucky persona. This so frightened timid TV political reporters that they wouldn't follow up on Tribune stories.

Burris is trying to do the same, but he can't intimidate the media, not with that ridiculous Please-Don't-Squeeze-the-Charmin mustache on his lip. He played the race card to get seated in the Senate, but the race card doesn't have muscle now that America elected a black president.

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About Me

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Catholic and politically conservative, I graduated with a BA in History (concentration in American) and Political Science. I'm between two parishes; one in Wisconsin that is fairly traditional, and one in Illinois that is fairly liberal. I teach CCD. I work in the food service industry, which basically means I'm working in fast food until I find a better job. I'd like to work for the church somehow. Right now I'm working on getting my teaching certification, although I'm unsure thats the correct path for me. This blog is as random as I am. I hope you enjoy.