Move over white-tailed deer, Illinois is getting a new state animal... or at least it is in the mind of John Kass.
We taxpayers need a new state animal. Our old state animals are lame. So, as a public service, I am announcing our new Illinois mascot in today's column. It won't cost you a dime.
But first, let's acknowledge that our current official state animals—the whitetail deer, the tiny bluegill, the chirpy cardinal—are victims. These prey animals just wait until they're pounced upon by bloodthirsty carnivores.
Sort of like us taxpayers, getting socked with increases from politicians who make their friends rich, and who, upon retirement, will receive six-figure pensions for the rest of their lives. The rest of us will be so broke, we'll end up drizzling Worcestershire sauce on dog food for dinner.
So what animal could really fit the current state of Illinois politics?
What Illinois needs now is a mascot embodying our political spirit, a special creature that lives in the shadows and sidles up to victims and—before the prey truly comprehend what's happening to them—drains them of every drop of blood.
Such a creature, which should now become our new State of Illinois animal, is none other than:
The chupacabra.
In Spanish, chupacabra means goat-sucker, for its alleged habits of creeping up to goats, chickens, sheep (exactly!) and other barnyard animals, sucking out their blood. Its mythical range is said to extend from South America, into Mexico, even Crete. There have been recent unconfirmed sightings in the southwest U.S.
Sounds like a good match to me. Read the whole column at the Tribune: Chupacabra mascot: Illinois needs a new symbol, John Kass says
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